Facade of Memories

Buttons

2009-10-07T23:02:00.002+11:00

Sophia Rory Ziyi Begbie the love of my life was born on the 16th September 2009! :D

I'll post some pictures up when I've got time. :)

ps: shes gorgeous!

<3

2009-09-01T22:08:00.002+10:00

Its been awhile since I've updated. Anyways, my dearest baby is 3.3kg 1 week ago. Her head is about 32.5CM around. She's gonna be a big baby and I blame Ant and his ang mo genes. :S Oh well, alls good besides me being paranoid and freaking myself out. I guess so many women go thru labour and go back for 2nds 3rds and even 9ths so I'm quite sure I'll be fine. :D Shes been moving less and her heads fixed in the right spot now so means shes getting ready for her big trip. :)

Anyways on the lighter note, buttons room or our room is all organized except for odd bits lying around which I'm too lazy to put away. My hospital bag is packed and I've put pictures up on facebook but I just cannot be bothered putting them on the blog too. Not with this extremely slow net anyways! :P I'm about 3/4 way thru her duck cross stitch I've been working on and its progressing relatively quickly now. :) I'll put pictures up once I'm done on facebook.

Anths been really sweet when he comes down on weekends. He ordered a bouquet last week and it arrived just before I was about to doze off on my afternoon nap. Its a massive bouquet of lilies! Had a card that said "Dear Rachel and Buttons, just to let you know I miss you both Anth". They've begin to bloom now and I've got 7 pink lilies and 1 orange one. I just wish flowers last forever. Again pictures are on facebook not that many of yous give a shit anyways. :) Anyways, we went out for dinner on Saturday together, a simple pub meal but it was a nice thought coz Anth said we won't have much time to spend together just by ourselves when Buttons gets here. Hired a movie and came home n watched it together. Simple but nice and sweet night. It was more the fact that he actually thought about it and wanted us to spend some time together that really mattered. :D

Its fathers day this Sunday and I've got him a card and a world best father book. I'm gonna go down and try to book a dinner on Sat night for him. :) Quite looking forward to that, provided I'm not in labour before that.

I bought myself a fairy and shes gorgeous! I think anyways, alot of people said shes creepy but my god shes the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. :) Spent quite a bit on her but I really love her and am gunna start collecting her. So if any of yous wondering what should I get Rachel a fairy would be the answer. Hint: Try ebay australia, type in ttmd and it should come up if the person has any on sale. ;)

Anths been asking buttons to hurry up but I think she's deliberately pissing him off by taking her own sweet time! :D hahaha Oh well, his own fault for not wanting to do the only thing that would hurry her along. In case any of yous are wondering its sex. :) I don't blame him. When I'm this heavily pregnant, I couldn't really care for it anyways and he's quite happy to DIY anyways. Its just quite cute and sweet that he's all excited and cannot wait. Said to me today "you already know her live with her, I know very little about her...." hahaha I think he'd be wanting to put her back when shes out n screaming and crying. We'll see, but he sure is getting excited so am I. Can't wait to see her! :D

Oh and yes the cramps are getting awful now. :( Its like having a period pain really but I haven't had any in 8mths so having them for about 2 weeks everynight has been quite an ordeal. :( I suppose it means shes getting ready. :D

Okayy, besides xstitch, I've been watching a tv series called true blood which is pretty good. Its rated R and currently Americas 2nd highest grossing tv series. Alot of sex and its about vampires. I'm not a big fan of Twilight, actually, I hate Twilight but True blood is alright maybe coz its more mature not some sappy teenage love story. :S

Anyways, thats all for now I guess. :) The next update will probably be when Buttons is born :D

stretch marks! :(

2009-08-11T14:31:00.001+10:00

I found 2 stretch marks today! :( OMG I'm seriously devastated! Ant would probably see it and think I'm ugly as compared to the other hot girls out there and break up with me. Its a high possiblity trust me!

I'm ugly.
I'm fat.
I've got stretch marks.
I'm not good enough.
4 perfectly good reasons to break up with me.

Good

2009-08-09T21:30:00.001+10:00

I'm just not good enough.

Lickle Ted

2009-08-05T11:12:00.003+10:00

I'm back! :D Well, I felt like I had to be back because my dearest Angela put so much effort into my blogskin. Now is all customized and pretty and I love it! :D

Buttons is 8mths now. Just 1 more month to go. Its all very exciting I really am enjoying this pregnancy to the max. Especially feeling her move and hiccup! hahaha Oh but waking up 5x everynight to go to the toilet can get abit over the top for me no wonder I'm always tired. I guess its just a preparation for when the babys born and moms get no sleep. All is well for her, the last checkup last week, she was 2.2kg and had long legs! haha Wanted to get a picture for Ant but all I got was her tiny little pair of hands :)

My sisters 21st is in 10 days! I still haven't found her a nice present. :( Not that I've got many options here in Sale anyways. I really need to find her something special since I won't be there. Quite sad I won't be there but I'm sure she'll still have fun coz got family and friends and her beloved Justin there. :D

Buttons has got a ton of clothes. Seriously shes got sooooo much clothes I don't even know where to store them! I've basically got everything she needs except her bassinette, which hasn't arrived and its becoming quite worrying coz she'll have no bed to sleep in!

Had a big recurring blow up with Ant last night. I kept asking myself do I wanna do this, is it worth it. Well, I can't tell for sure, but he's given me his word and I've decided its the last chance. So lets pray he doesn't screw this up for us and himself. I thought of giving up then I look back on the good times we had and think of Buttons and I decided it is worth another shot (I really hope he makes an effort this time). :) So alls good for now. I'm actually very very very sure he'll be an extremely good dad. Not so good partner but I can deal with that, not everyone is perfect. :) Anyways, he said something which I felt was really true. A relationship doesn't exist unless there is a friendship and love. All friendships have their ups and downs and little fights and happy moments. Its quite hard to walk away from everything we've had after all this time. :)

Okayy I've finished 1 cross stitch for Buttons I've got about 10 more to go. Hahaha I'm trying to make a blanket for her which would consist of random cute cross stitches I did put together. Not sure if I'll manage to finish is before shes 20! hahaha I'll try though. Anywho, all those thinking of giving me something a cross stitch pattern book would be nice. :P Hmm... Tatty bear, Lickle Ted, Precious moments, Winnie the Pooh....

Been cooking a fair bit too. I tried cooking laksa and it was actually quite nice. :) I'm going to cook 5 spices chicken wings tonight and also if I can be bothered I'm going to make a pandan cake. :D Successful or not just stay tuned. I know its abit of a shock to all my friends considering I'm quite a pampered child I never really had to do anything for myself coz I always had a maid. Now I'm cooking all these stuff I know Ting, Li and Lin are quite shocked. I'm going to be a mom soon, and I'm in a foreign country all on my own I would need to do something for myself I suppose. :)

Well, thats all folks, I'll be back soon.

Words

2009-07-06T14:14:00.001+10:00

I really like word games! Especially Scrabble, Scattergories, Boggle etc. Though I'm absolutely crap at it. :( My sole purpose is to beat Ant at such games coz he's just too good it makes me angry!! :P

Well, as for Trivia games... I'd be happy with a score of 1. :D

Falling..

2009-07-03T14:26:00.002+10:00

Do you remember when u 1st fell in love with ur partner?

I do. :D

I don't remember where exactly it happened but it did happen. I was cold and he took his jacket off and gave it to me. Might seem insignificant to others but it was a COLD winter night.

Doesn't have to be a mind blowing experience just simple gestures like this touch my heart.

Week 28

2009-07-01T10:46:00.002+10:00

In case u're wondering if I'd dropped off this planet. No unfortunately, I would of loved too but I haven't. I'm just going to give a quick update on how Buttons is going for those who are interested. :D

Went to see the Obsetrician yesterday. He said Buttons is strong and healthy! :D Her head is about 7.55cm which is perfect for the pregnancy. She showed us her feet too, they were huge! hahaa. Shes a busy baby cannot stop moving kept sucking her thumb. Showed us her face too could see her eyes. :) I'm about 60kg atm. :(( Mommy loves u busy bee! :D

Had a bad flu 2 weeks ago kept vomitting everything I ate. :( Ant brought me to the hospital and they made us wear mask and all. Then the nurse asked me why do u think I got H1N1? I'm like... HUH?! I didn't even mention that word even once you guys made us wear gloves and mask and put us in this room for 3 hours before attending to us then u say I think I got H1N1?! I just wanna bloody stop vomiting coz I'm hungry and so is Buttons! In the end they wanted to put me on a drip I said no and went home n drank lotsa water. :D So I'm all good now.

In Sale atm, going to catch the 130pm train back to Melb so that Buttons can be with Daddy. :) Well, things been going good lately btw us, until last night I cracked it coz Ant forgot I had a doctors appointment and didn't ask how it went. Hmm... Collingwood is playing Essendon this Friday! BIG match! I'm sooooo going and we're sooo gunna win! :D Thats about it folks my life is not very exciting coz I don't get much sleep anymore at night quite uncomfortable. Had a restless sleep last night and woke up to a massive headache :(

Oh! I'm getting better at Scattergories! :D So happy, got like 97 points the last time I played. I'm usually in the 50s same as Caleb which is quite sad. My cross stitch for Buttons is going slow thats becoz I've been busy trying to buy stuff for her! :P We've almost got everything we need. But if you've got stuff wanna give her or don't need I'll still have it. :D

Shopping spreeee :D

2009-06-07T00:40:00.003+10:00

Okayy according to Angela, I need to blog more often coz the blog she is doing for me is really complicated. :P Well, to make her effort appreciated too though I know not many people bother reading my blog I'm just making it for my beloved daughter. :D

If yous are expecting an entry full of pictures and stuff sorry to disappoint u coz I'm not that keen to take pictures and post. Very lazy laa! :P Maybe I will but we got soooo much stuff for buttons its not funny. We haven't bought the big items yet only got a car seat and pram so far but soon we'll get her bassinette and rocker. :D Was bored last week so I bought some cross stitch to do for her. :D I'm sure her great grandma will knit her a heap of stuff so I'm not too worried about knitting. I'm not a big fan of knitting anyways :P Well, if Angela manages to find the cross stitch books I'd rush thru them and hopefully I can get many pictures and make a blanket for her. :) How exciting! hahaha! 3 patterns here cost me a whooping $65 :( I also bought a doona cover for Ant. Caleb mentioned how it would suit him coz he's a slob (it had pictures of pigs on them!). I'll take a picture of this soon coz I love the new doona cover. Its probably the nicest I've ever bought (I've got like about 40 doona covers!). Also bought Sophia a Winnie the pooh toy! :D Should see her toy collection too! Its crazy! Spent $200 that day. Today we went baby shopping (which meant me dragging a very grumpy Ant shopping NOT fun at all :S) ended up only buying a little farm quilt cover that Ant liked (I like it too its cute n pretty n soft). Cost $50. :D

To buttons:

my dearest beautiful Sophie can u plssssss stop kicking me in my sleep. :P hahahaa Mummy admits I really like u kicking when I sits down but I haven't been able to sleep well for ages coz u keep kicking me. Mummy knows u having a time of ur life in there but mummy would appreciate if u go to bed when I do so we can have a nice sleep together! :D You're a very very very active baby think u already made ur point :P Mummy can see my tummy move everytime u kick its really very funny! :D Sorry if Mummy keeps scratching my tummy, she is desperately trying not too alr but its really itchy coz the skin has stretched :( Whatever it is, just be happy in there and grow strong, healthy and pretty and Mummy will see u on the 30th again! :D Mummy loves u! :)

Love

2009-05-28T15:41:00.001+10:00

Sorry for the lack of post :D I'm still waiting on my dearest designer Angela to give me a completed blog skin. :S Of coz my life hasn't been all that exciting either. If you've got me on facebook and am close enough to me you'd probably see the ultrasound pictures of my Sophie dearest on there. Okayy let me recap, as far as exciting goes, we went to ballarat one weekend. (I seriously don't even remember which weekend it was) :S We stayed in a caravan park with Ants dad, gf n Kyle. He's a funny man. Soooo freaking similiar to Ant even though they haven't seen or lived with each other for ages. Temprement, mood, mannerism, everything (the arrogance, laziness, moodiness and grumpiness etc), should I say thank god to genetics or bad luck buddy, I wonder. Anywho, someone pls remind me one Ant is enough no need for 2 :D Robbies birthday was fun (for those expecting pictures, keep waiting coz I took NONE. Of coz not when I look like how I do atm :S), lots of cheese, which I couldn't eat, wine which I couldn't drink either and long speeches. :D

I was just sitting here wondering why on earth I go this blog for, I hardly update it, the bf doesn't read it. Then it striked me as probably a good thing he doesn't. :D Okayy my back is going to kill me any minute now. :( So I'll quickly get to the point and wrap this up.

Angela asked me a couple of days ago. Why do I love Ant, as in what do I love about him? So I decided to ask Ant the same question. He replied No comments =). I said you can say no. Then he replied "I love you even though u annoy the shit outta me, I love how u take care of me, how u put up with me, how u encourage me. also that you're the mum of Sophie =)" May not be a good enough response for many but coming from a guy who has only said he love me twice in 2 years. I'm contented. I have come a long way, from being a girl who loved to her her bf say I love you, miss u etc, I've gave up all that for twice in 2 yrs! :( Well, do I say it to him I believe many would wonder. I used too not anymore. Hahah.. I'll get over it don't worry. :D Anyways, the point is.... did I have an answer to the question I asked Ant. The answer is no. Nothing at all. Why? I don't know (like I said thank god he doesn't read my blog ;)) maybe, we've drifted I feel from being partners/lovers to companions/best friends or probably this is what a family life is supposed to be. Simple.

Well, thats all for now I guess, I'll come back from being little miss taxi (as Ian calls me) to updating my blogskin and linking up twitter to my blog. I need to go heat up my best friend for my back, the wheat bag! (I've got 3! :D trust me they save my life in more ways than any friend I ever had can.)

Perhaps

2009-05-10T21:26:00.000+10:00

I got the 1st mothers day present from Buttons :D
Maybe, I'll put a picture up soon. Its a card and an ornament saying "Mum are like BUTTONS they hold things TOGETHER" in the card she wrote "Dear Mum, thought this would remind you of me. Happy Mother's day! Love, Buttons". :D Very sweet probably the sweetest I've ever got from Ant. Never expected him to bother buying me a present, small n cheap but I'm really touched :)

Anywho, I sliced off the tip of my finger while peeling potatoes :( Was a deep cut and I have never cut my finger b4! (not my fault I'm sheltered :P) Well, involved an hr of me sooking n crying and blood dripping everywhere. I'm not used to seeing so much blood on my hand and a piece of my finger hangin by 2mm of skin! :( Its now safely bandaided by Ant who thinks I'm a pre-teen and pobably having 2nd thoughts of how I'm going to look after Buttons. I'd probably cry with her when she cuts her finger :S

Ian sent me a link for poems :D There are many but I've only chosen the ones I like :) Beautiful I say. :P

Credits: http://www.beyond-the-pale.co.uk/perhaps.htm

PERHAPS

their 'crimes against humanity'
are nothing compared with
our crimes against nature

every day.

PERHAPS

respectability
is the worst kind of
corruption.

PERHAPS

education
acts on the mind of a child
as a virus does
to a computer.

PERHAPS

people who miss people
really miss themselves.

PERHAPS

deep down
most of us are
shallow graves.

PERHAPS

silence is the truest
depth within us.

PERHAPS

happiness comes
not when the unfillable hole is blocked
but when the wound is healed by licking.

PERHAPS

the most addictive video-game is
sex.

PERHAPS

Life is
Death masturbating.

PERHAPS

testosterone
has wrecked a million
times more lives than heroin.

PERHAPS

the most destructive drug
is work.

PERHAPS

the object of Democracy
is to ensure that everyone
practises
'decently'
the same hypocrisy.

PERHAPS

sex is silly -
though sometimes it seems
majestic.

PERHAPS

Never
is where most
people live.

PERHAPS

words corrupt
everything they seem
to describe.

PERHAPS

even the brightest
of us do not know
what to do with
our intelligence.

PERHAPS

to call someone 'negative'
is a fairly negative thing to do.

PERHAPS

our minds are ruled by stories,
and perhaps every story is false.

PERHAPS

more love is involved
in planting trees
than 'having sex'.

PERHAPS

the more that humans achieve
the emptier they become.

PERHAPS

life is
the cheapest thing on the planet.

PERHAPS

memories
are the scabs of consciousness.

PERHAPS

truth
is something more lost
than gained.

PERHAPS

the secret of life
is to hate it
and be happy.

PERHAPS

death is the greatest gift to the living.

PERHAPS

housework
is better done in the dark:
it's so much easier
and leaves the day free
for sleep or the tending of plants.

PERHAPS

the same is not so true for sex.

PERHAPS

depression
is a trick
of consciousness which
we take too seriously.

PERHAPS

marriage
is an early symptom
of senility.

PERHAPS

only through grief
will happiness emerge.

PERHAPS

true intellectuals
have no friends.

PERHAPS

life is a foreign language.

PERHAPS

death is a smile.

PERHAPS

Western democracy
is the dictatorship
of hypocrisy.

PERHAPS

money makes no-one happy
because it is only a means
to the impossible satisfaction
of infantile desires.

PERHAPS

happiness is unconsciousness,
and the nearest thing to happiness
is an erotic dream.

Broken

2009-05-05T23:21:00.000+10:00

Yet another emo post warning :D

Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump... <3

I saw her today. :D I was happy to see her unfortunately, happiness never last too long. The half hearted smile wasn't able to mask. The disappointed more than a facade. My tears for joy soon overwhelmed by tears of sadness.

The truth hurt. A assurance was just a facade. The words cut thru me like a knife. I felt like everything was a mistake. Like life was just making a fool out of me. Perhaps, it is only telling me somethings are not meant to be.

To you:
I realized it really didn't matter what it is
I thought it did but when I saw it
I knew it didn't matter.
Sorry it matters so much to u
Sorry if ur life doesn't turn out as it should be
Whether u stay or leave
I will love her still the same.

Doodles vs toodles

2009-04-28T08:12:00.000+10:00

Sometime last week Sooky said "I gtg makan la.. Toodles!" For some weirdly apparent reason in this case would seem like sexual fustration, I thought she said doodles.

doodles = penises (in Australia at least)

I thought, wow, Sooky sure has a weird way of bidding goodbye but if thats her style, okayy I guess, I shall with all the sexual fustration and grace in me accept it. So I was about to retort back, thanks Sooky, I know that sex is not high on my to do list atm u don't have to throw it in my face and mock me! :P She was offline so I thought, nvm... I'll tell her next time. Obviously, knowing me, next time never comes ;)

Last night, only did I realize, I've got a sex deprived mind. Its TOODLES not DOODLES! :D

toodles = sooky odd way of saying goodbye..

ps: can someone pls tell me how do u say penis in chinese? I believe of all my 25 yrs of studying, noone has ever taught me this word!

Freedom....

2009-04-28T00:41:00.000+10:00

This post is going to seem weird.. I'll assure everyone, everything is fine. I just need an outlet :D Sooky, the master of implier, I am only her disciple. As much as I'd like to encrypt this msg, not that its going to matter to whom of relevance (coz he's not going to read it) I'm do not harness the skills of doing so. :(

Rachel (as in me) says ->

If proximity is a key, I'd be grabbing the key, running to the door yelling "freedom!" :)

Somedays I wake up to the happy tunes of the wiggles and convince myself, I've made the right choice, I won't regret.

Sometimes, like tonight in particular, I look at the world in despair and think, maybe, I'm missing out.

I believe like my windging companion who is in bed now said... doesn't matter what he said coz I can't remember :S.. something along the lines that I'm a nice girl but instead I end up with someone.....

who I need to be someone I'm not
who cannot appreciate
who is no longer attracted
who doesn't love
who I am a best friend
who I am not responsible enough
who prettiness is not my attribute
who jealousy holds us back
who constantly sooks about me sooking
who rather sexual fustration get the better off

The irony of life they say...

When o when can I claim this freedom I desire?
When I meet someone who truely believes, I am beautiful, I am nice enough, who cares for me more than his hand, maybe this is nothing but a dream....

Many chances I've missed, how many more do I have to turn my back upon? How many more will come up to me and tell me I'm beautiful, believe in urself, you're gorgeous, you're an 8 (oh trust me I look in the mirror and all I see is doubt) and say thanks but look elsewhere (I haven't but well, if they aren't not my fault ;))

Should I wake up tmr and yell, FREEDOM and be rid of my terminal illness?
Should I wake up tmr, return to my sexually fustrating boring life and convince myself I've made the right choice?
Only I know....
I wish, Freedom was an option and I didn't have to pay the price for making a choice, but we all know, reality is harsh, a far cry from what we want.... Its a right choice I won't regret.

PS: Ant woke up one night yelling out a string of girls names and asked me if I was alright, in his sleep as usual. Would of been the sexual fustration acting up, well, he's got his hand and porn for now, I guess, I'll go find my own happy little world (man dates I'd say ;)) for a week.. :D

17 weeks!

2009-04-15T12:22:00.000+10:00

Well, time flies. To all the avid readers out there sorry I haven't been bloggin coz my life isn't all that exciting. Okayy Buttons is a healthy 17 weeks now. :D I'm going to find out the gender of Buttons on the 5th of May so till then stop asking me what gender! :P

Ant suffers from a weird syndrome when sleeping! He'd wake up in the middle of the night and run about or jump up from bed and start doing weird stuff like look for clothes or something. I think its hilarious. Coz I'd ask him the next day if he remembers what he was doing and he didn't! Sometimes he does. Once he jumped up and turned on the light coz there was a big spider on the ceiling! Last night he jumped up and shook me awake and asked if I was alright and mumbled something about choking and get out. :S Its really funny, so I think anyways. I'd always have to tell him to go back to sleep baby, then he'd blurly wonder wtf am I doing and go back to bed. The funniest would be at Shauns when I woke up to go to the toilet then came back to bed in the lounge and he was running about in his jocks. I was sooo scared Shaun would wake up so I had to chase him around the house trying to get him to settle down n wake up. He finally woke up and realized in the bathroom that he was running about in his jocks and blushed like a little kid! <3 I asked him if he knew what he was up too and he said yea he did he was trying to put out a fire alarm (apparently the toilet flush sounded like a fire alarm!). God till today I still laugh at the image of him doing stupid shit like that! I'm sure I'm the only one laughing about this but meh, its funny to me! :D

Okayy thats all I have to blog about. Might be going to Ballerat for Anzac day. :D Would be fun to see Kyle again. Looking forward to that and Ocean Grove for Robbies birthday on the 9th May. :) We'll be going to triple J concert in Sale on the 30th May too! :) hehehe...

Thats all folks :)

Revalation

2009-03-31T00:02:00.000+11:00

I think I've told everyone I know who deserves to know
so if u only found out by reading my blog maybe u don't deserve to know
or maybe u've forgotten I exist so I don't see why I shd bother telling

I am 15 weeks pregnant
and going to become a proud mother
my baby is called Button atm
We'll find out the sex end of the mth
Due date is 2 days after my birthday (if u don't know when my birthday is well, u're not trying hard enough so don't bother)

Names we have chosen
Boy = Romeo Chace ________ Begbie (haven't thought of chinese name if u have ideas tell me pls! :D)
Girl = Sophia Rory Ziyi Begbie

So far a couple of my friends have been really supportive and have said they'll come over when the baby is born.
My parents sad to say have been concerned but not very accepting and I don't have the mental or physical capacity to deal with them atm.
My sister is pissed off coz shes stuck in the middle of me n my parents and is as usual too busy to care
Ant has been very patient, understanding, supportive, accepting and loving. :)
Ants mom and friends have been all very supportive too :D

We're excited and nervous and scared.
But we'll try our best to make this work :D

We wanna buy a house in Sale... hopefully, we can work something out and get a house b4 Button is born :D

Udon!

2009-03-11T13:23:00.000+11:00

I've made the best udon I've ever eaten in my whole life! hahahaa I finally decided I'm going to cook udon since I've been craving jap food really badly. So... I'm going to write down the ingredients in my blog so I won't forget.

Ingredients:
1 pkt of udon
2 small spoons of miso dashi soup base
a dash of soy sauce
a dash of sesame oil
1 bak choy
1 prawn
1 fish ball thingy
a little bit of corn
a little bit of golden mushrooms
1 egg
1 crabstick
a lot of seaweed

that would make the most yummy soup I've ever eaten in my life! :D Num num num.. back to eating :)

Long time...

2009-03-10T13:07:00.000+11:00

Its been a long time since I've blogged. Reason being, there are more unhappy moments in my life than happy moments. We're still trying to work thru everything so give us some time. When its time to let the world know, we will. :)

I still miss everyone back in SG.
I still have no idea how to tell my parents.
I still hope my friends will come visit me.
I still hope we'll work out fine.
I still hope we'll be able to go on a holiday.
I still hope my parents will support me.

I wish I could spend $10k in a Gucci shop. Maybe one day I will. :)

My marriage age is 29

2009-03-01T09:39:00.000+11:00

Put an X in every box that applies to you.

Add up all the x`s and title subject with the sum as "My marriage age is__"

[x] You know how to make a pot of coffee
[ ] You keep track of dates using a calendar
[ ] You own more than one credit card
[ ] You know how to change the oil in a car
[x] You do your own laundry
[ ] You vote every election
[x] You can cook for yourself
[x] You think politics are exciting
[] You balance your own checkbook
[ ] Your parents have better things to say than your friends

Total: 4

[ ] You show up for school/college/work every day early.
[ ] You always carry a pen in your pocket/purse
[ ] You've never gotten a detention
[ ] You have never smoked a cigarette
[ ] You have never gotten completely trashed
[ ] You have forgotten your own birthday at least once (:D)
[x] You like to take walks by yourself
[x] You've watched talk shows.
[x] You know what 'credibility' means without looking it up
[x] You drink coffee[caffiine] at least once a week.

Total: 8

[x] You know how to do the dishes.
[x] You can count to 10 in another language.
[x] When you say you're going to do something you do it.
[ ] My parents trust me
[ ] You can mow the lawn
[ ] You can make adults laugh without being stupid
[x] You remember to water the plants
[x] You study when you have to
[x] You pay attention at school/college
[x] You remember to feed your pets

Total: 15

[x] You can spell 'experience' without looking it up.
[] You work out on a regular basis.
[x] You clean up your own mess
[ ] The people at Starbucks know you by name
[ ] Your favorite kind of food is take out
[x] You have gained weight since middle/high school (RAWR!)
[ ] The first thing you do when you wake up is get caffeine
[x] You can go to the store without getting something you don't need
[x] You understand political jokes the first time they are said
[x] You can type quickly

Total: 21

[x] You have realized that the weather forecast changes every hour
[ ] Your only friends are from your place of employment
[x] You have been to a Tupperware party
[x] You have realized that no one will take you seriously unless you are over the age of 25 and have a job
[x] You have more bills than you can pay
[ ] Most of all your friends are older than you are
[x] You can say no to staying out all night
[x] You use the internet every day
[x] Your wardrobe hasn't changed in a while
[x] You can read a book and actually finish it

Total: 29

I want....

2009-02-24T09:32:00.001+11:00

I realize that my life is very empty. It doesn't have to stop here just becoz of a decision I make I hope. There are still a trillion and one things I wanna do and see. Just gunna make a list in case I forget. :P

I want...
-> to have a white christmas, sit in a sleigh pulled by horses in the snow
-> to see the northern lights because I heard its romantic and pretty
-> to go to a beautiful resort, see the sunrise and the sunset, lay in the sand and forget the world ard us
-> to go to Paris again, climb and watch the beautiful Eiffel Tower against the morning sky and the beautiful lights against the dark sky
-> to go to Cambodia, to be able to admire the Angkor Wat and admire the happiness a simple life brings
-> to go to Vietnam, to relive the simplicity of life, to eat the food that brings them life and happiness
-> to go to Europe, watch West Ham and many other soccer matches, tour Europe again, its my greatest dream to go back
-> a beach wedding, romantic sunrise, sand through my feet and the sea breeze upon my face when my love unveils
-> to go to Cairns, to swim in the magnificient Great Barrier Reef and admire the different color corals and fish around me
-> to be proud to hold an Australian citizenship
-> to go to Taiwan, perv at all the pretty fair girls and wonder why life is unfair, eat the street food and go shopping till I drop
-> to go to Singapore, visit my family, dog and friends, eat the food I miss and love
-> to go to Thailand, relive the moments I had there, eat the street food, sit in the Tuk Tuk and shop till I drop
-> to go to America, see how fat the people there are and join them eating junk and fast food, see what a country so powerful has done to the world, americianism, you amaze me.
-> to go to China, to see the beautiful provinces, climb the great wall of China again, visit the Terracotta army and the beautiful scenery that country has
-> to go to wherever the World Cup is held and watch every match Australia plays in till we get kicked out

Stuff that I want will be added on when I think of it. :P Geez looking at my list, I must be like Bill Gates daughter or something to fulfill these in my lifetime. :( I'd rather be broke but I'm not settling for any less (maybe the America one, coz I don't really care for America). :P Of coz I want to do all these with the ones I love (hopefully by then there still will be more than 1). Oh well, its not wrong to dream is it? :)

Grumpy!

2009-02-20T09:03:00.000+11:00

I know I said this blog is only for happy things but I'm super pissed off. I'm in the worst moods ever. We had a good night yesti. Ant ended work 2 hrs earlier than usual so I went to his house and invited Shaun and Michael over. Played some halo then went to the pub on Orrong to get a pub meal. My potterhouse wasn't all too flash quite disappointing to be honest. :( After that we went to 7eleven got slushies, lollies and icey poles. Then decided to try our luck in crown. Unfortunately no luck at all. :( Lost $20 yesti and went home and had a good night sleep (At least Ant did for once). :) Woke up this morning and I was seriously in the worst mood ever. I couldn't find my phone. Wanted to call in sick for work but I can't find my fucking phone how to call in sick?! Anyways, then I sent Ant to work all grumpy and he kept asking me where I put my phone so I told him in Michaels car! He just kept asking where did I put it so I got pissed off and yell at him "in the car!" That made him pissed off. Well u can't really blame me right!? I have like 3 impt calls to make today and I can't find my phone! ARGH! When Ant couldn't find his shoes he also cracked the shits and got really annoyed! Anyways, we got to the usual busy annoying round about and I accelerated when the car to my right was already going. I would have made it fine until Ant yell "Rach!" so I braked... Not the wisest option to brake when a car is coming at u is it? Then I got pissed off and told him I was fine if he didn't yell at me. Anyways from then on, it was just us not talking and pissed off.

I came home opened my room door and all I could smell was poo and urine! I saw my cat STUCK in my room. My housemate closed my window (for fuck I dunno! I never close my window so my cat can get out of the window!). Anyways, Tittens pooed on my floor and peed all over my doona! I don't blame her she was stuck in my room for god knows how many days?! Come on lor... How selfish can one be? Went back for a mth and I looked after their dog for them now I ask them to look after my cat and this is what they do. I asked her on msn yesti arvo to feed my cat. I came home today and my cat food in the fridge didn't even get lesser 1 bit! NOT 1 bit. How is that feeding my cat?! Seriously pissed off. >:( My poor cat is all skin n bones now. :(

Anywho, I gotta eat my lunch at 930am then get ready for work go to Michaels house and get my phone then go to work.

Vday Weekend

2009-02-17T11:06:00.000+11:00

Many of u will be wondering how I spend my Vday (okayy not many like the pathetic few who bothers to read my blog). Lets just say, its a fun day. :) Fri night Ant got smashed off his face trying to do the hour of power. He got to 47 minutes! Good effort for him I say. Ardan got to 58 minutes (sooo close) and ran to the toilet and did the biggest spew in history! All over the toilet bowl and floor! *yucks!* Anyways, they're going to do it again this week. Its drink till u spew though so its going to be hilarious! :D So woke up on vday and he had a hangover (a massive headache), so I let him sleep in while I went to work. He took the time I was at work and got me the sweetest present! :D A card, a scratchie and a heart shaped chocolate cake. The card was basically a voucher I can keep an redeem for a steak dinner and flowers sometime in March and April. Wondering why? Coz he's broke and I understand. At least the effort was made and its a sweet thought (imo anyways). Didn't win anything on the scratchie but he won $10 on his. The cake was yummylicious! :D We sat at home played abit of L4D and then headed to the soccer. Melbourne beat Adelaide 4-0! We're through to the finals! :D After the soccer, we met up with his colleague for pictures and then went to our favorite dumpling place to have dumplings! We then decided to go to Shauns for some Halo (Ants internet has run out so we can't play halo). I passed out on Shauns couch coz I was so tired and we spent the night there. :)

Next day we woke up revitalized and played more Halo then got dropped off by Shaun at Chapel st to have breakfast! It was yummmy but didn't have spinach :( so I got mushrooms instead :). Then we walked home and had a stupid fight. We made up after much coaxing by Ant. It was sunday roast dinner night so we went to supermarket and got a heap of veges to cook for dinner. Went back to Shauns house and cooked the roast dinner. It was nice (so they said and I think so anyways) and yummy! :D Kinda ate too much though then went for a walk to 7eleven and got iceypoles. I got the rainbow paddle pop and I swear it doesn't taste as nice as the ones back in SG for some weird reason. :( Went back to Shauns and played 500 then headed home and straight to bed. :P

Nice weekend - the fight we had would of been perfect. :)

Victory the Brave lyrics

Oh Melbourne, hear the sound of drumming
Must be the Victory coming
Pumped up and full of running
Victory the brave

Blue, white and silver flying
Strike like a flash of lightning
Revved up and full of fighting
Victory the brave

And in the heat of battle
Stand up and show no fear
Proud and courageous
Marching on to Victory

Oh Melbourne, hear the sound of drumming
Must be the Victory coming
Pumped up and full of running
Victory the brave

Bushfire

2009-02-12T09:33:00.000+11:00

Okayy I don't know what happened to my previous blogskin. As much as I liked it.. it kinda died on me which is a little bit sad but now I got another happy cute blogskin! :D Anyways, I know its a hard time for everyone in this economic crisis. I'm sure even though u're not in Aust u'd have heard about the Vic bushfires (if u haven't go and do something with your life! start by reading newspapers and stop living in ur pathetic well). Its still ongoing and its been awful. The death toll has been steadily increasing and the arsonist has yet to be found. Why would anybody light a fire on purpose on a 46C day I really have no idea. What I know is that this fucker deserves to die not a quick death but a slow painful one (preferably thrown in jail given no food and water until he dies). He's commited mass murder if anything its unforgivable and being mentally unsound doesn't give anyone an excuse! Why am I ranting on n on about bushfires coz I'm really sad it has happened. The worst Aust has ever had. :( Anyways, I urge all the people out there to donate to the Australian Red Cross if u can. More than 550 homes have been burnt to ashes and the death toll will climb to more than 300 deaths. Many families are left with nothing, they saved their whole life for a house and sweat to build the houses and its being burnt down by some selfish persons actions. Children have perished while trying to escape the ordeal families have lost so much its beyond words. If u do have a little bit of money to donate to Australian Red Cross pls do and I'm sure what goes around will come around eventually (every little bit counts). Thanks :)

On a happier note, I got my threadless tees! So exciting! :D I'm glad i can fit into them! Was so worried I won't be able too, though I won't for long. :S 6 more cute and awesome tshirts to add to my boring collection of clothes! Yipppeeee. Oh and I think I don't have to eat indomee for a long time anymore! My housemates are back! So now I can finally eat good healthy food! Have been craving for a roast for god knows how long, so I bought one yesti and we're going to have a roast dinner on Sunday! Tomorrow Ant and his friends are going to do the hour of power (its like having a shot of beer every 1 min or something crazy like that). Anyways, I'm staying off alchohol so thank god I don't have to play stupid crazy games like that. I'll be standing by with my camera watching them spew though. Good fun, good times! :D

Soooo I've come back from Adelaide. Its a small city like really small like probably Ballerat in comparision. They've got some really nice parks though. We drove 8 hours each way for the Melb Victory away match against Adelaide (who would have thought!) The drive was quite fun considering I was really tired and I slept most of the way thru. :P Brought ladybug and my furry blanket and it was really comfy! We booked an awesome hotel in the city with a spa so we had like 3 spa sessions and it was really nice. I think we were both so tired we both just passed out on Sat night. Ant won some money in the casino (which is a smally little crappy hole) and of coz victory brought home a 2-0 victory! :D We saw a couple of fights including a wanker who had to be handcuffed and pinned down on the ground by like 5 policemen! Crazy! Anyways, there was intention to catch a cab back to the hotel (coz i spilled tomato sauce down the front of my jersey while trying to chomp thru a hotdog) but everyone stole our cabs! So we marched into the city escorted by 1 policewomen on a horse, 1 police car going at 5ks and 10 other policeman on foot! It was good fun but omg my back could have killed me (I must be growing old)! :S Was really good fun though!

I've been labelled a good present giver! :D Apparently I'm good at thinking of presents to give people and listening to what they want. What I don't get is that guys always say girls never listen, but they're wrong again as usual! ;) Anyways, I'm in love with dumplings! It has become my 2nd favorite food from pasta!

2009-02-01T21:19:00.000+11:00

***********FOOD-OLOGY***************

What is your salad dressing of choice?
I really hate salad.. so I don't care about the dressing :)

What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
Hmm... Number 8 would be my fav atm.

What food could you eat for 2 weeks straight and not get sick of it?
Fishball noodles!

What are your pizza toppings of choice?
mushrooms, olives, semi dried tomatos, cheese

What do you like to put on your toast?
I hate toast! Vegemite is nice but.

**********TECHNOLOGY***************

How many television sets are in your house?
2

what color of cell phone do you have?
Pink

***************BIOLOGY******************

Are you right-handed or left-handed?
Right

Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
Nupp, soon there will be though :)

What is the last heavy item you lifted?
groceries

Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
Nupp

************BULLCRAPOLOGY**************

If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
yepp! I'll avoid it at all cost! :P

If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
I like my name :)

Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
Nupp

************DUMBOLOGY******************

How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
1 coz the stupid dog bit thru the rest!

Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
Recently for jaywalking :S

Last person you talked to?
Ant

Last person you hugged?
Ant

**************FAVORITOLOGY****************

Season?
Autumn

Holiday?
Hongkong and Taiwan

Day of the week?
Hmmm no idea?

Month?
September

***********CURRENTOLOGY*****************

Missing someone?
Hmmm maybe

Mood?
Tired and stressed

What are you listening to?
Sound of my fan

Watching?
the words being typed on my laptop

Worrying about?
many many many things :(

***************RANDOMOLOGY*****************

First place you went this morning?
some Bar next to state library at 12am

What's the last movie you saw?
Revoluntionary Road

Do you smile often?
Lost my smile recently

QUESTIONS

1)Do you always answer your phone?
yea most of the time

2) It's four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it?
I don't usually get msges that late

3) If you could change your eye color what would it be?
Blueeee

4) What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic?
What is sonic?

5) Do you own a digital camera?
Yepp :)

6) Have you ever had a pet fish?
er.. i think so

7) Favorite Christmas song?
Last Christmas

8) What's on your wish list for your birthday?
Nutting atm besides Button

9) Can you do push ups?
er... a couple

10) Can you do a chin up?
nupp

11) Does the future make you more nervous or excited?
Worried and excited

12) Do you have any saved texts?
Tons!

13) Ever been in a car wreck?
Thank God, no.

14) Do you have an accent?
I think :S

15) What is the last song to make you cry?
I can't remember.

16) Plans tonight?
Sleep counts?

17) Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
Yes. Right now is 1 of the times

18) Name 3 things you bought in the last week
Food, pet food and more food.

19) Have you ever been given roses?
Yepp

20) Current worry?
Button and how we're going to turn out

21) Current hate right now?
The situation I am in atm

22) Met someone who changed your life?
Someone will soon.

23) How did you bring in the New Year!
Badly this yr.

24) What song represents you?
No song? geez i dunno really :S

25) What were you doing at 12 AM last night
At some bar next to state library bored and completely sober

26) What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
Why did Maccas call me at 6 am?

Soup and Hot weather!

2009-01-30T18:56:00.000+11:00

This is a totally random blog coz Trixy complained I haven't been blogging.
Wanna know why I haven't been blogging? Coz it has been 43C (44C today) and its too crazy hot to do anything! Oh the best news is... We've got tickets to the Adelaide vs Melbourne soccer game and we're going to drive to Adelaide next weekend! How exciting and I'm really looking forward to it! Anyways, my healthy lifestyle starts today. We kinda eat out alot and its not good coz seldom got vege so I'm gunna start cooking stuff with heaps of vege. I cooked a really nice soup for dinner (yea I know crazy in this weather but I didn't really feel like eating anything else). I'm going to share this awesome soup with everyone!

Ingredients:
Onion
Carrot (I loveeee carrots when they're boiled and soft!)
Crab meat (one of my favorite food!)
Egg
Straw mushroom (its my favorite mushroom!)
Baby Bak Choy
Fish Tofu
Soy Sauce
Oyster Sauce
Seasme Oil (can't spell pardon my spelling :P)
Sambal Chilli
Tofu
Packet of herbs for Chicken soup

I know its alot of stuff but I just chucked everything into boiling water and cooked and it taste AWESOME! :D Maybe I'm just a soup person ;) Only sad thing about this soup is I'm eating it alone. Nobody to share the joy of this awesome soup! :( Its sooo hot even though I've got the fan blowing full blast at me! 2 days ago it was sooooo hot that I could feel the sweat trickling down my legs (gross I know!).

I'm just glad to know I've got support of my best friend and my sister back at home and of coz everyone here. :) Its just good to know and a relief I made the decision finally. :D

Button

2009-01-23T13:43:00.000+11:00

Been really busy trying to figure everything out for the past 3 days. Hopefully we make the right decision. One that we'll both never regret.

Threadless sent out my tshirts yesterday! Yayy! :D They also emailed me to say 2 of their tshirts is out of stock! *Boohoo!*Well, poor Ant!! Means he only has 3 tees while I've got 6. Anyways, they refunded me some money and gave me a $10 gift voucher. That could be useful! :)

Went to Lygon St yesti for dinner. Yummmmmy! I love their Matriciana! Had a massive gelati for dessert! Sooo full! :D

I'll blog more when I have made my decision. Its not easy and I hope people give me space and support instead of pushing me to make a hasty decision I might live to regret for the rest of my life.

190109

2009-01-19T18:14:00.000+11:00

Hmm.. My very 1st post in a new blog. What should I be writing about? I decided to close my all blog delete it for good and set a new one up. Used to be really emo but now this blog is only going to be happy stuff! :D Apparently Angela was supposed to make a blogskin for me but its been a year and she hasn't done it so I'm going to just use whatever I can find. This is like the cutest happiest blogskin I've ever seen (It moves! Didn't realize until Sooky pointed it out to me)! :) <3 <3

Anyways, I thought this today would be a good week to get this up and going because I had a extremely happy last week! It was a 9.5 (according to Ant) week! Completely quarrel free for once. It was just an ordinary week with a little bit of extraordinary to spice things up. All smiles, laughs, relaxed fun times and silly conversations. Haven't had that in quite awhile but looks like we're working on it! *positive Rachel.. stay positive!*

Sometime last week I also got an email from mom scolding me because I didn't care about CNY (which I really don't) and how I'm chinese so I should at least celebrate and explain to people what CNY means (but I can't because I don't know and care!). So I told Ant and he said we can make a small CNY celebration at his house on the 27th (can't do 26 coz Shaun is working). Quite exciting! :D An Angmo CNY celebration! :P

I'm ultimately tired and its like 40C out there and I'm baking in the heat even inside my house! Haven't really been sleeping properly and been waking up early most days. Today I got up early too coz I had to send Ant to work so I can have the car (good trade off I reckon). Came home and started looking for jobs. I really desperately need a job and my job search is not taking off. Oh well, at least I've started looking now. :)

Tittens is back from Sale! :D We drove down to pick her up on Wed. I left her in Sale after xmaz coz she had to go for an operation. According to the Sale vet, she had 2 hernias coz by the shody desexing job the Melb vet did. One of the hernias was rotting and had it been any later she'd have died! :( Thank god for that. I'm not bringing her back to that vet though. Spent like so much money to get her desexed now I had to spend more money to get her hernias removed! Well, don't think she and Creamy coping too well with the heat too.

Oh to top that, I spent about $250 on threadless tshirts. Bought 11 of them with my deepest Thanks to Sooky who put it up on her blog and inspired my complusive shopping habit! :P Though I must say I'm very happy with my buys. Anyways got 6 for myself and 5 for Ant. :D According to Sooky I'm a crazy women (not that I'm disputing that). Oh I stupidly got Ant Medium thinking he might fit then thought again and went omg.. he definitely won't fit a medium so now I'm emailing Threadless to get them to change it to large.

If u must know these are what I got:

Kyoto - Small Creme Girly Tee
Laundry Monkie - Large Light Blue Guys Tee
One Lump, Or Two? - Large Silver Guys Tee
One Lump, Or Two? - Small Sand Girly Tee
Bread Barber - Small Lemon Girly Tee
Marshmallow Factory - Small Light Blue Girly Tee
Get Some Fresh Air - Medium Brown Guys Tee
Splatter In D Minor - Medium White Guys Tee
Quit Howling at Me - Medium Navy Guys Tee
My Crony - Small Dark Grey Girly Tee
Bubble Maker - Small White Girly Tee

Thats about all for my exciting week! We're going to miss the soccer again coz its on a Friday night and Ant works! Boo hoo! Hopefully, Queensland and Melb make the finals. Ant said if they do we'll book tickets and fly up to Queensland for a weekend! :D Looking forward to that and another 9.5 week (hopefully 10 this week :P)