This post is going to seem weird.. I'll assure everyone, everything is fine. I just need an outlet :D Sooky, the master of implier, I am only her disciple. As much as I'd like to encrypt this msg, not that its going to matter to whom of relevance (coz he's not going to read it) I'm do not harness the skills of doing so. :(

Rachel (as in me) says ->

If proximity is a key, I'd be grabbing the key, running to the door yelling "freedom!" :)

Somedays I wake up to the happy tunes of the wiggles and convince myself, I've made the right choice, I won't regret.

Sometimes, like tonight in particular, I look at the world in despair and think, maybe, I'm missing out.

I believe like my windging companion who is in bed now said... doesn't matter what he said coz I can't remember :S.. something along the lines that I'm a nice girl but instead I end up with someone.....

who I need to be someone I'm not
who cannot appreciate
who is no longer attracted
who doesn't love
who I am a best friend
who I am not responsible enough
who prettiness is not my attribute
who jealousy holds us back
who constantly sooks about me sooking
who rather sexual fustration get the better off

The irony of life they say...

When o when can I claim this freedom I desire?
When I meet someone who truely believes, I am beautiful, I am nice enough, who cares for me more than his hand, maybe this is nothing but a dream....

Many chances I've missed, how many more do I have to turn my back upon? How many more will come up to me and tell me I'm beautiful, believe in urself, you're gorgeous, you're an 8 (oh trust me I look in the mirror and all I see is doubt) and say thanks but look elsewhere (I haven't but well, if they aren't not my fault ;))

Should I wake up tmr and yell, FREEDOM and be rid of my terminal illness?
Should I wake up tmr, return to my sexually fustrating boring life and convince myself I've made the right choice?
Only I know....
I wish, Freedom was an option and I didn't have to pay the price for making a choice, but we all know, reality is harsh, a far cry from what we want.... Its a right choice I won't regret.



PS: Ant woke up one night yelling out a string of girls names and asked me if I was alright, in his sleep as usual. Would of been the sexual fustration acting up, well, he's got his hand and porn for now, I guess, I'll go find my own happy little world (man dates I'd say ;)) for a week.. :D

` and i love you more everyday || rachel alystine

Proud mother of Sophia Rory Ziyi Begbie

This post is going to seem weird.. I'll assure everyone, everything is fine. I just need an outlet :D Sooky, the master of implier, I am only her disciple. As much as I'd like to encrypt this msg, not that its going to matter to whom of relevance (coz he's not going to read it) I'm do not harness the skills of doing so. :(

Rachel (as in me) says ->

If proximity is a key, I'd be grabbing the key, running to the door yelling "freedom!" :)

Somedays I wake up to the happy tunes of the wiggles and convince myself, I've made the right choice, I won't regret.

Sometimes, like tonight in particular, I look at the world in despair and think, maybe, I'm missing out.

I believe like my windging companion who is in bed now said... doesn't matter what he said coz I can't remember :S.. something along the lines that I'm a nice girl but instead I end up with someone.....

who I need to be someone I'm not
who cannot appreciate
who is no longer attracted
who doesn't love
who I am a best friend
who I am not responsible enough
who prettiness is not my attribute
who jealousy holds us back
who constantly sooks about me sooking
who rather sexual fustration get the better off

The irony of life they say...

When o when can I claim this freedom I desire?
When I meet someone who truely believes, I am beautiful, I am nice enough, who cares for me more than his hand, maybe this is nothing but a dream....

Many chances I've missed, how many more do I have to turn my back upon? How many more will come up to me and tell me I'm beautiful, believe in urself, you're gorgeous, you're an 8 (oh trust me I look in the mirror and all I see is doubt) and say thanks but look elsewhere (I haven't but well, if they aren't not my fault ;))

Should I wake up tmr and yell, FREEDOM and be rid of my terminal illness?
Should I wake up tmr, return to my sexually fustrating boring life and convince myself I've made the right choice?
Only I know....
I wish, Freedom was an option and I didn't have to pay the price for making a choice, but we all know, reality is harsh, a far cry from what we want.... Its a right choice I won't regret.



PS: Ant woke up one night yelling out a string of girls names and asked me if I was alright, in his sleep as usual. Would of been the sexual fustration acting up, well, he's got his hand and porn for now, I guess, I'll go find my own happy little world (man dates I'd say ;)) for a week.. :D

` and i love you more everyday || rachel alystine

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